Pinballs

For reasons I'm not sure I can explain, I like going back and reading books from my childhood. I read everything as a kid, but the way I figure it, a good book is a good book, even if it's aimed young at times.

One of my favorite authors back then was Betsy Byars. (http://www.betsybyars.com/) She has this straightforward style that manages to get at the heart of what it feels like to be a kid. Better than just about anyone I ever read, who usually treats kids like little adults.

Anyway, the other day the library was having a used book sale, and I found a Betsy Byars book I hadn't read, The Pinballs. It's about three kids who are in foster care for different reasons. Written in the '70s, the book can't come out and lay it on the line for what really gets kids taken out of a home, but through hints and feelings manages to get it right anyway.

One scene just struck me, so I took the time to type it up and share it with you. Not sure why, but I couldn't stop thiking about it. It would take me 3 paragraphs of backstory to fill in, but that part's not essential for understanding. I'll leave it at this: Carlie is pushing Harvey in his wheelchair to the library, and they are talking about various lists they are going to make:

“That’s what I’m going to do a list about—people who have done me in. If you did a list like that, how many people would be on your list? Don’t give me every name, just guess at it.”

Harvey thought of his mother and father. “Two.” He said.

“I’d have, let’s see—“ Carlie pushed the chair slower as she thought. “First, there would be my father. I mean, I don’t know who he is, but he’d be the first on the list.”

“You don’t have a father?” Harvey asked, looking back at her.

“Of course I have a father,” she snapped. “Everybody has a father. The lowest dog in the street has a father. Didn’t you learn anything in Health and Hygiene?” She stopped to ease his chair down the curbing. “I just never knew my father. He left before I was born. But my second father—“

“He would have to be your stepfather,” Harvey corrected.

“He was a step down, anyway,” Carlie said. “He was a real bum. Number two on my list of people who have done me in would be that stepfather. Before he left he even stole my baby-sitting money.”

Harvey was silent.

“Then my third father—stepfather, if you must—he was the first person who ever wanted to do me real harm. I mean, you’re always hearing how dangerous the streets are and how you’re going to get mugged or hit in the head? Well, in the streets I was perfectly safe. It was when I got home that I got mugged and attacked.”

Harvey said in a quiet voice, “My father ran over my legs. That’s how they got broken.”

He spoke so quietly Carlie thought she hadn’t heard right. “Ran over them?” She stopped pushing the wheelchair altogether.”

“Yes.”

“Ran over them?”

“Yes. In the car.”

Her shoulders sagged. “Oh, wow.”

He said he couldn’t help it.”

“Which is supposed to make everything all right.”

“He said he got mixed up on forward and reverse. He was drinking.”

“Oh, wow.”

“Yeah.”

There was a silence. Then Carlie said, “you know, just think about this, Harvey. Just think about you and me as unborn babies. He we are, see, waiting to be born. And somebody comes up to us with a pad and pencil and says ‘What do you want in a father?’

“Well, we’d list all kinds of things. I’d say I want a father who’s good-looking—after all, Harvey, half of your looks do come from your father—and I’d say I’d want a father who is rich and one who loves me. I’d go on and on.” She rested herself against the back of Harvey’s chair. “Never once would I think to say ‘I want a father who will stick around.’ I mean, Harvey, he didn’t even wait to see if I was a boy or girl! He doesn’t even know I’m me!”

She sighed. “And you, never once would you think to say ‘I want a father who will know the difference between forward and reverse in a stupid car.’” She started pushing again, faster.

“I think that’s the library up ahead,” Harvey said.

“And then, Harvey, to make matters worse, he we are, totally unwanted—I think we have to admit that—and then there are people in the world who really want children and haven’t got one. Life is really unfair.”

Harvey smiled a little. “That’s something I have suspected for a long time.”