Wednesday, June 23, 2010


My sister Jerrica and I decided to read the Wikipedia page for one country each day. Day 1 was Guatemala.  You've never seen so many coups.  A few randomly chosen facts:

Guatemala is a country in Central America bordered by Mexico to the north and west, the Pacific Ocean to the southwest, Belize to the northeast, the Caribbean to the east, and Honduras and El Salvador to the southeast. Its area is 108,890 km² (42,043 mi²) with an estimated population of 13,276,517.

The first evidence of human settlers in Guatemala goes back to at least 12,000 BC. There is evidence that may put this date as early as 18,000 BC, such as obsidian arrow heads found in various parts of the country.

The current average age in Guatemala is 19.4 years old, 18.9 for males and 20 years for females.

More than 450 Mayan villages were destroyed and over 1 million people became displaced within Guatemala or refugees. Over 200,000 people, mostly Mayan, were killed during the civil war, which ended in 1996.

For more Check out the Wikipedia Page and secondary sources.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

100 Trillion Dollars

[I Twittered these this morning. I thought they were funny, even if no one else did.]

If I had 100 Trillion dollars I would burn ECLIPSE before anyone could see it. All TV Mute Buttons would be disabled.

If I had 100 Trillion dollars I  would ban all Horrorscopes but Gemini & make Fran Drescher a judge on American Idol.

If I had 100 Trillion dollars I would make cat owners wear bells around their necks & carry straw in their left hands.  

If I had 100 Trillion Dollars all Sports teams would be renamed The Fuzzies. HGTV & BET would merge Networks. 

If I had 100 Trillion dollars all vehicles & houses would be painted puke green. I'd have Carrot-Top marry your kid. 

If I had 100 Trillion Dollars I'd destroy all but 1 copy of EVERY book. All underwear (Men & Women) would be Bloomers.

If I had 100 Trillion dollars I'd make all adoptions be cross-racial. Paris Hilton would be Press Secretary. 

If I had 100 Trillion dollars I'd ban Hairspray, Leather, Texting, Muffins, Rainbows, the letter L, Coffee & Potatoes.

If I had 100 Trillion Dollars I'd make all religions combine with the Hamburgler as their figure-head. EAT MISERY, WORLD!

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Dragon Flagon!

My youngest sister Jerrica went to the Renaissance Faire on Sunday and brought back gifts.  A previous Faire landed me Pythagoras, my 4-foot dwarf wizard and walking-sexual harassment lawsuit (he can't keep his felty mitts off the ladies).

(Do NOT ask to see his "Magic Wand")

This time Jerrica seemed equally pleased with her gifts. One was to my other sister (for her surprise birthday party last night), a dragon-ring with which I was hired to write an epic story. (Sadly, despite pleas for help from friends and strangers, I have had severe writer's block. I also spent the money, so I have to either deliver or hold a fundraiser. Sigh. A problem for another time.)

Another she gave me a few hours before the party, hoping to inspire me to write a great story. (Here's hoping.)


(At first I thought it was from the SS Collection.  Thank the Light that was wrong!)

As you can see from the front, there are a couple of Dragons on it.  The back is even cooler. That black strip around the Flagon is leather, sort of like an arm guard a soldier might wear to protect him from sword hits in battle. It's all studded like an S&M collar. But then around the handle it laces up!

My Flagon has a corset!!!!

Obviously I'm overjoyed at this development. Having a Flagon already says I'm ready to party - but a kinky corset on the Flagon....It's gonna be THAT kind of party, baby!

(Somebody get me the mashed potatoes*)

Even more than the Dragons and the corset, though, I think what excited me the most was that when I closed my eyes and held out my hand I felt this heavy thud.  The Flagon is quite large, and more importantly, Solid.  What I'm getting at is that I could EASILY kill someone with it, either by smashing them over the head or catching their temple with the bottom edge.  Jerrica said it's solid steel, and I believe her.

Perhaps it was once a sword, melted down?

I love love love gifts that not only do what they are supposed to, but might also maim and harm.  (Kinda how I like my women.)

I'm going back to working on my story now, but first I think I will take a sip, from my Dragon Flagon.  Be on your best behavior,

Sunday, June 06, 2010

This Panda perfectly illustrates My attempts to climb stairs...

I feel his pain. This is how I feel all the time.  And the sympathy others feel is the worse. I wish my youngest sister was here right now so I could glower at her.

Al Swearengen Rocks

“Pain or damage don’t end the world. Or despair or fucking beatings. The world ends when you’re dead. Until then, you got more punishment in store. Stand it like a man… & give some back."

~Al Swearengen
(Deadwood, Season 2)