Friday, April 11, 2008

Like Calls to Like

In an effort to break out of my non writing funk, I asked my sister to Google a Random Word Generator, randomly create two or three words, and type those words along with “painting” into Google Images, pick a painting that came up, and send it to me. I would then write about whatever she sent, thus sparking my creative renaissance.

Several problems.

She did not tell me what words she used, so I cannot give a full accounting. Neither can I properly credit the painting above.

Much more problematic: I have no creativity in me at all. None. If I were caught in bed with a Mafia Don’s wife, I would simply shrug and say, “She wasn’t worth it.”

So, no zany madcap story for you this morning. The best I could do was a 17-word poem, with 8 of the words the exact same! I suck.

But the painting does not. Make sure you click on it to get a bigger size. You could spend hours looking at all the detail of that thing.

Like calls to Like



A shock to see

Not one pussy

Like calls to Like

Thursday, April 03, 2008

The WHOA Theorem

I was talking to Bear last night about how his week is going (preparing for the wedding). The Bear-ette has six sisters, but so far no real drama. I don't know her family at all, but based on my knowledge of women and weddings, I personally will be shocked if by week's end the seven of them haven't formed two rival gangs and shot up Seattle. This isn't any disrespect to the Bearette Clan, but simple Wedding Reality.

One thing about weddings that no one wants to admit is that women make weddings crazy. You see, the women who were married once want a re-do, and the women who aren't married get even crazier, because it's so close. In fact, years ago a friend told me there is a mathematical formula to understand women and weddings. It's called the WHOA THEOREM:


W = the number of women directly involved in either planning or being in the wedding

H = the % of those women who are unmarried or unhappily married, and thus likely to exhibit "ho-ish" behavior

O = the "OH MY GOD" ugliness factor of the bridesmaid dresses

A = the number of pounds the bride needs to lose to get her Ass in the wedding dress.

The math on this can be tough, but the bottom line: women are to weddings as dictators are to labor camps, the only difference being people in labor camps don't have to go the reception.