Dickie Roberts

So, I'm deeply ashamed to admit this, but it's been a weird morning (I can't tell you about it or she'll get mad), and I need a distraction. I found myself watching DICKIE ROBERTS: CHILD STAR on TBS.

I have a firm policy against these types of movies, but I watched for two minutes and already I've laughed 6 times! What's wrong with me?

I don't really know the plot, but I'm guessing it involves David Spade trying to be a kid again. (I could swear I saw this same thing in BILLY MADISON, but through therapy I've mostly forgotten that film, so maybe not.)

Anyhoo, David is hanging with these two young kids and they talk about drinking beer. Spade slams the girl and she gives him one of those responses like we used to do (You know; the whole "Milk Milk, Lemonade.....")

The girl is the same one who was on the CSI/CSI Miami backdoor pilot. You remember her? We first meet Horatio Caine when he sits down next to the girl and says, "Let's be found together." (That should have been a warning sign what an insufferable bore he would be.)

The girl is very cute in DICKIE ROBERTS, and if you think I didn't just IMDB her to see when I can start thinking about thinking about lusting after her, you really don't know me

(In case you're wondering. When a girl hits fourteen you can put her on the "two years until I can put her on the two years" list. Which means you cannot think about her in any inappropriate manner, but you can talk about when you can. Once she hits 16 you put her on the "two year countdown list," and start daydreaming about rescuing her from pirates or possibly Mini Ogres, also known as Mogres. Before 14 all you can do is vaguely say "she might be a great actress one day" and gnash your teeth. Sadly, every woman reading this right now thinks I'm a total perv, while every guy is like, "Dude, why did you explain the lists???" But I digress.)

It turns out Jenna Boyd just turned 13, so we got a long dark year ahead of us.

Anyway, here is what she said. You have to imagine it with hand motions (especially at the beginning):

Brick wall, waterfall.
Dickie thinks he got it all
but he don't, and I do,
so Boom with that attitude.
Peace, punch Captain Crunch.
I've got something you can't touch.
Bang- Bang choo-choo train.
Wind me up I do my thing.
Reeses Pieces, 7-Up.
You mess with me, I'll mess you up.

And if you don't think I'm going to learn this so I can slam my sisters, you REALLY don't know me very well.