Friday, September 21, 2007

Time Capsule

Dominique sent me this questionnaire. Most of the times I utterly ignore these, but the questions were written just a bit different (almost like to a 15 year old girl), and….I don't know. She just caught me on a weird day. Plus, there were 47 questions, which is a prime number. I wrote these Monday morning and just now (Friday morning) looked over my answers; they would be so different it's scary. But I'm not redoing it, so you're stuck with the Hyperion that existed then. Two hours after I wrote this everything changed, and He doesn't exist anymore, so in a way it's a time capsule. So here they are:

1. If your doctor told you TODAY that you were pregnant, what would you say? - I'm eating for two!    

2. Do you trust all of your friends? - I don't even like all of my friends.

3. Would you move to another state or country to be with the one you love? - Yes

4. Do you believe that everything happens for a reason? - In the Pierre-Simon Laplace sense, maybe, but not in the context of the question's true meaning.

5. Name two things you would NOT tolerate in a relationship? - Stupidity; Corpora Canvernosa

6. Which one of your friends do you think would make the best doctor? – April

7. Are you afraid of falling in love? No

8. Is there someone who pops into your mind at random times? -Donal Logue. I don't know why

9. Would you stop talking to your friends because you hooked up with a new person? - I suspect this question (and questionnaire?) is meant for teenagers, and thus the "correct" answer is no, but the truth is if the person I "hooked" up with was involved in something important enough that took me away from my life, by default I would cease contact with those now involved.

10. When was the last time you flew in a plane? - August 2006

11. What did the last text message you sent say? - Haven't had the privilege of sending one

12. What features do you find most attractive in the opposite sex? - Intelligence, curiosity, calves

13. Fill in the blank. I love _______ - the idea of limitless potential.

14. What is a goal you would like to accomplish in the distant future?- Taking over the World

15. If you were to wake up from being in a coma for an extended time who would you call? - No one

16. How many kids do you want to have? – Three

17. Would you make a good parent? – No

18. Where was your default picture taken? - 1994 - College

19. What's your middle name? – the

20. Honestly, what's on your mind right now? - Triangular Numbers; Whom you can really count on

21. If you could go back in time and change something, what would it be? - How I spent high school

22. Shoe size? - 15

23. What are you wearing right now? - Cadet blue pocket tee shirt, grey boxers

24. Righty or Lefty? - Born Lefty changed to Righty in Kenya

25. Can you make a dollar in change right now? - No

26. Best place to eat? - Cheesecake Factory

27. Favorite jeans? - Black Tommy Hilfigers I no longer have. And a stonewashed pair I had when I was 11

28. Favorite animal? - melanistic liger

29. Favorite juice? – Pineapple

30. Have you had the chicken pox? - 4th Grade

31. Have you had a sore throat? - Many times

32. Ever had plastic surgery? – No

33. Who knows you the best? - No one

34. Do you get along with your family? - To keep the peace -

36. Ever been in a PHYSICAL fight with family member? – No; I am too big and might hurt them

37. Been to Mexico? – Yes; I have stories about Mexico you simply would not believe

38. Did you buy something today? - With what money?

39. Did you get sick today? - No

41. Did you get in a fight with someone today? - I was mean...

42. When is the last time you had a massage? - 2006

43. Last person to see you cry? – Ory

45. Who made you cry? - the god of frustration

46. What was the last TV show you watched? – Heroes

47. What are your plans for the weekend? - To not talk to anybody...and possibly build a fort

Written Monday morning, about 2:30 am

Friday, September 14, 2007

I Am Not Yours

Kaida likes me to read her poetry before she falls asleep. Last night it was one by Sara Teasdale. This poem simultaneously set the "Women's Movement" back twenty years while setting the "Women Getting Some" Movement forward a decade. (And by women getting some, I'm referring to Sara. Kaida has to wait until there's a ring on my finger.)

I am not yours, not lost in you,
Not lost, although I long to be
Lost as a candle lit at noon,
Lost as a snowflake in the sea.

You love me, and I find you still
A spirit beautiful and bright,
Yet I am I, who long to be
Lost as a light is lost in light.

Oh plunge me deep in love - put out
My senses, leave me deaf and blind,
Swept by the tempest of your love,
A taper in a rushing wind.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007


Starting Monday I am going to be gone for a little while. I definitely need a break from this place, although my absence will (sadly) not be a vacation. I have fallen behind on some of my other writing projects, and I also need to spend some time on the design for the Hyperion Institute store. In fact, I'll probably work more than I do now.

The point is: I won't be here. Not to worry: in my absence I havr recruited the finest writers in the land to do guest posts. I am setting them all up Sunday night to auto-post, so you will be well entertained and satisfied. (But no happy endings.)

However, while I am gone I cannot actually change the motto every day like I do now. I need a permanent motto, and I thought I would let you vote. I have five mottos below. (I originally had 16, but Kaida told me that you people are like toddlers: too much information and you will get overstimulated). All you have to do is pick the one you like best, and then copy and paste it in the Comments.

Note: you CAN leave a write-in Comment, but you then have to hope everyone who Comments after you likes it and votes that way too, since the motto will be choses Democratically. (Which means I can be bought.)

Mottos I considering:

Where Dreams go to Die

The Best Mendacity in all the World

Home for Perverts and Thugs....we call them Thugverts


Where Orphans are Strangled just to see You Smile

That's it! You may only vote once, unless you bribe me; then you can vote multiple times.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007


My fantasy football team won last night! The final score was 136.7 to 96.6, a forty-point victory! Being September 11 I really feel wrong about gloating, but since it might be the best I score all season I wanted to congratulate my boys.

Not only did I beat my opponent (Up on hot llamas), I outscored every other team, making me 11-0 in the Shadow Championship, something I came up with three years ago to determine who the true best team, apart from the luck of the draw. (Let me tell you: nothing is worse than scoring the second most points in the league one week, only to be playing the team that scored the most.)

Not only did I score the most points, second place was 117.6. I was 19 points higher than anyone, and I scored 80 more than the team that did the worst!

Go Baryon!

Even if I do not win another game, they cannot take this one from me.

Up in hot llamas
Owner: Big Dick McGee
Baryon the MACHO Black Dwarf
Owner: Hyperion
-1.70 Philip Rivers SDG QB
22-31, 190 yds passing, 1 INTs
5 carries, -1 yds rushing, 1 fumble(s)
6.40 Ahman Green HOU RB
16 carries, 73 yds rushing
4 catches, 23 yds receiving
17.80 Terrell Owens DAL WR
3 catches, 87 yds receiving (2 TDs)
11.40 Marvin Harrison IND WR
4 catches, 83 yds receiving (1 TDs)
8.40 Anquan Boldin ARI WR
1 carry, 14 yds rushing
4 catches, 22 yds receiving (1 TDs)
2.60 Alge Crumpler ATL TE
4 catches, 40 yds receiving
10.20 Jason Elam DEN K
3 FGs (21,48,42), 2 missed FGs (50,43)
4.50 Michael Strahan NYG DL
4 tackles, 1 assist
5.00 Aaron Schobel BUF DL
3 tackles, 2 passes defensed
9.50 Donnie Edwards KAN LB
4 tackles, 1 assist, 1.0 sack, 1 FR
14.00 Zach Thomas MIA LB
9 tackles, 4 assists, 1.0 sack
5.50 Lawyer Milloy ATL DB
5 tackles, 1 assist
3.00 Nate Clements SFO DB
2 tackles, 1 pass defensed
Tom Brady

22-28, 297 yds passing (3 TDs)
1 carry, 4 yds rushing
15.40 Joseph Addai IND RB
23 carries, 118 yds rushing (1 TDs)
3 catches, 25 yds receiving
16.80 Adrian Peterson MIN RB
19 carries, 103 yds rushing
1 catch, 60 yds receiving (1 TDs)
1.20 Donte' Stallworth NWE WR
1 catch, 19 yds receiving
1.80 Santana Moss WAS WR
3 catches, 28 yds receiving
13.00 Antonio Gates SDG TE
9 catches, 107 yds receiving (1 TDs)
13.40 Jason Hanson DET K
3 FGs (46,46,23), 3 PATs
5.50 Julius Peppers CAR DL
3 tackles, 1 assist, 1 FR
2.00 Will Smith NOR DL
2 tackles
8.00 Antonio Pierce NYG LB
8 tackles
11.00 London Fletcher WAS LB
10 tackles, 2 assists
9.00 Adrian Wilson ARI DB
6 tackles, 4 assists, 1 pass defensed
11.50 Walt Harris SFO DB
4 tackles, 1 assist, 3 passes defensed, 1 INT
  • Terrell Owens 22 yard TD reception from Tony Romo (6.00 pts)
  • Terrell Owens 47 yard TD reception from Tony Romo (6.00 pts)
  • Marvin Harrison 27 yard TD reception from Peyton Manning (6.00 pts)
  • Anquan Boldin 5 yard TD reception from Matt Leinart (6.00 pts)
  • Jason Elam 21 yard field goal. (3.00 pts)
  • Jason Elam 48 yard field goal. (3.90 pts)
  • Jason Elam 42 yard field goal. (3.30 pts)

  • Tom Brady 11 yard TD pass to Wes Welker (6.00 pts)
  • Tom Brady 5 yard TD pass to Benjamin Watson (6.00 pts)
  • Tom Brady 51 yard TD pass to Randy Moss (6.00 pts)
  • Joseph Addai 2 yard TD run (6.00 pts)
  • Adrian Peterson 60 yard TD reception from Tarvaris Jackson (6.00 pts)
  • Antonio Gates 17 yard TD reception from LaDainian Tomlinson (6.00 pts)
  • Jason Hanson PAT (1.00 pts)
  • Jason Hanson 46 yard field goal. (3.70 pts)
  • Jason Hanson PAT (1.00 pts)
  • Jason Hanson 46 yard field goal. (3.70 pts)
  • Jason Hanson 23 yard field goal. (3.00 pts)
  • Jason Hanson PAT (1.00 pts)
  • Philip Rivers 190 yards passing (6.30 pts)
  • Ahman Green 96 combined rushing and receiving yards (6.40 pts)
  • Terrell Owens 87 combined rushing and receiving yards (5.80 pts)
  • Marvin Harrison 83 combined rushing and receiving yards (5.40 pts)
  • Anquan Boldin 36 combined rushing and receiving yards (2.40 pts)
  • Alge Crumpler 40 combined rushing and receiving yards (2.60 pts)
  • Michael Strahan 4 tackles (4.00 pts)
  • Michael Strahan 1 assist (0.50 pts)
  • Aaron Schobel 3 tackles (3.00 pts)
  • Aaron Schobel 2 passes defensed (2.00 pts)
  • Donnie Edwards 1 fumble recovered (2.00 pts)
  • Donnie Edwards 4 tackles (4.00 pts)
  • Donnie Edwards 1 assist (0.50 pts)
  • Donnie Edwards 1.0 sack (3.00 pts)
  • Zach Thomas 9 tackles (9.00 pts)
  • Zach Thomas 4 assists (2.00 pts)
  • Zach Thomas 1.0 sack (3.00 pts)
  • Lawyer Milloy 5 tackles (5.00 pts)
  • Lawyer Milloy 1 assist (0.50 pts)
  • Nate Clements 2 tackles (2.00 pts)
  • Nate Clements 1 pass defensed (1.00 pts)

  • Tom Brady 297 yards passing (9.90 pts)
  • Tom Brady 4 combined rushing and receiving yards (0.20 pts)
  • Joseph Addai 143 combined rushing and receiving yards (9.40 pts)
  • Adrian Peterson 163 combined rushing and receiving yards (10.80 pts)
  • Donte' Stallworth 19 combined rushing and receiving yards (1.20 pts)
  • Santana Moss 28 combined rushing and receiving yards (1.80 pts)
  • Antonio Gates 107 combined rushing and receiving yards (7.00 pts)
  • Julius Peppers 1 fumble recovered (2.00 pts)
  • Julius Peppers 3 tackles (3.00 pts)
  • Julius Peppers 1 assist (0.50 pts)
  • Will Smith 2 tackles (2.00 pts)
  • Antonio Pierce 8 tackles (8.00 pts)
  • London Fletcher 10 tackles (10.00 pts)
  • London Fletcher 2 assists (1.00 pts)
  • Adrian Wilson 6 tackles (6.00 pts)
  • Adrian Wilson 4 assists (2.00 pts)
  • Adrian Wilson 1 pass defensed (1.00 pts)
  • Walt Harris 1 interception (4.00 pts)
  • Walt Harris 4 tackles (4.00 pts)
  • Walt Harris 1 assist (0.50 pts)
  • Walt Harris 3 passes defensed (3.00 pts)
  • Philip Rivers 1 fumble lost (-4.00 pts)
  • Philip Rivers 1 interception (-4.00 pts)

  • None.
  • Monday, September 10, 2007

    My Plans

    I have some big plans for the rest of the year, some of which I can share with you in the coming days, some of which will have to be a surprise.

    One thing I will tell you is that this Friday is my last post for awhile. The Institute will still go strong, but I have neglected a few things in my other work that I need to concentrate on, and I just need a break from the site for awhile. However, I have asked several people to do a guest post. I am setting everything up ahead of time in Draft, and then turning over posting to Kaida, which will hopefully allow me to walk COMPLETELY away from the website for two weeks. I need the break, although you'd think I would be able to rest. Sadly, no. I will be busier than ever. But at least I won't be checking Statcounter 8 times a hour, I mean day.

    You'll be in good hands, as each guest post should be great stuff. And I'll be back come the first of October better than ever with much vim and vigor.

    If I can ever get of here.....

    Friday, September 07, 2007

    My Trip to Olive Garden – Part 2

    Read Part 1

    Okay, so last time I talked about the drink and the salad. I have to mention the soup. I used to always get Pasta e Fagioli, sort of a hearty Italian chili. Someday I'll tell you the story of how two of my friends and I ate so much soup and salad they had to call the fire department.

    The last couple of years, though, I have switched to mainly the Zuppa Toscana, which is spicy sausage, potatoes and cavalo greens. I have no idea what cavalo means, but it works. I still like the Pasta e Fagioli, but if I eat like bowls of soup, I'll get three Toscana and only two Fagioli. (I don't eat the Minestrone, which I'm sure is wonderful, but Carrabba's Minestrone ruined me for anyone else's.)

    Sadly, because of all the salad, I only got to eat one bowl of soup. I'm still upset about it. But that's okay, because we got an appetizer!

    Smoked Mozzarella Fonduta, which I'm pretty sure just means fondue, but all fakey-Italian and everything. (They do this quite a bit in the food industry. Portabellas? A made up word. They are just giant crimini mushrooms. Suckers.) Whatever. The fondue was awesome, with about ten different cheeses, and Tuscan bread makes a great dipper, in case you were wondering. I could eat this every day. This brings us to the main course.

    My mother got the Venetian Apricot Chicken. She liked it okay, except they overdid the vegetables. I got to try (read: devour) what she brought home, and it was delicious, but I think her main problem was that my food looked better. Not trying to be sexist here, ladies, but it seems that very often when dining with females, they seem to like what other men order better than what they got. Have you experienced this phenomenon? What is the deal? Are women just not good orderers? Are they just not satisfied with what they have. (That has to be part of it.) Do they not order what they actually want for some weird psychological reasons even they don't understand? Further inquiry may be needed, but not right now, because I need to talk about what I got:

    Never ending Pasta Bowl!!!!! (With Italian Sausage, Baby!)

    Never ending pasta bowl is a wonderful idea, with the only downside being that if you fill up on soup you can't eat as much pasta. I guess next time I'll just get salad and suck it up. I often get fettuccine alfredo for my first course, since I know I like that, but this time I was intrigued by a new sauce: smoked Mozzarella Alfredo, and a new pasta: Orecchiette. The server recommended it, and I got.

    So freaking good! The sauce was to die for, and there were breadcrumbs and tomato bits on top to mix in. I cannot wait to go try it again. And the Orecchiette held up the sauce very well, grabbing little bits of Alfredo and breadcrumbs along the way.

    My mother was absolutely fascinated by the shape, which had a little reservoir tip on the end. Here is a picture of what they look like (not mine.)

    What my mother couldn't figure out was how they got each little piece of pasta into that shape. When I got home, I wrote Dragon, our resident food expert, and she explained that Orecchiette means "little ears," which makes sense if you look at the picture. However, as I said, ours had a little reservoir tip at the end, which made them look incredibly like condoms, or what condoms are supposed to go over. Look at them again, and tell me this doesn't look like Paris Hilton's Saturday night:

    All in all, a wonderful night at Olive Garden. We were there, and we were family!

    Fantasy Football Update

    The NFL season got underway last night, which means Fantasy Football did too! I finally picked a name, but I'm going to hold off telling you that until the weekend's games are completed.

    However, I just had to give you an update from the first night.

    Joseph Addai, my stud Running Back (RB), had 3 catches for 25 yards receiving and 23 carries for 118 rushing yards and a touchdown! Yay Addai!!!

    Under the screwy rules our League (thank you Commissioner Bear) I only get 1 point per 15 yards of rushing and receiving (instead of the usual 10), which means….25 + 118 = 143 yards = 9.4 points +6 points (Touch Down) = 15.4 points.

    I also had a Defensive Lineman playing last night…for the other team! (That's how we cupcake in Fantasy Football.) Unfortunately, Will Smith was definitely not fresh or princely, and had only 2 Tackles for 2 points. (I'd like to point out that it was Kaida's choice to draft him, because of the name, so it's her fault.)

    Still, after one game 17.4 points is not too bad. My opponent had only one player last night (Marvin Harrison), and came away with 11.4 points. Technically that puts me ahead, but since I had two players accruing my points, I'm not really sure who's better off. We will have a better picture going into Monday Night Football.

    Players to root for this weekend (if you love me, and I know you do):

    Tom Brady (against the Jets)
    Adrian Peterson (against the Packers. I actually spent the better part of two hours trying to decide whether to start Peterson, who plays for the Vikings, or Brandon Jackson, who plays for the Packers. Both are rookies and I didn't know who would start.)
    Donte' Stallworth (he plays on the Patriots with Brady, so every Touchdown Brady throws to Stallworth is worth double!)
    Santana Moss (against Miami. I mention all these defenses because you should also root against them)

    Players to root against this weekend, as if they kidnapped your children and dis-invented microwave popcorn:

    QB Philip Rivers (plays for Chargers)
    RB Ahman Green (plays for Texans)
    WR Anquan Boldin (plays for Cardinals)
    WR Terrell Owens (plays for Cowboys, once ate a child raw)

    By the way, I feel somewhat badly about this, because when I posted my new team name my opponent Paul was the only one to get the significance, but all's fair in love and war, and Fantasy Football is definitely both!

    Thursday, September 06, 2007

    My trip to Olive Garden

    For some reason the gods shined upon me, and I got to go to Olive Garden last night.

    Before I go any further, I had a friend once, supposedly an authentic Italian, who would always trash Olive Garden. Can I just say that if you are one of those people....go suck a bag of dicks. Seriously. You are not allowed to read any more of this post.

    I don't care that Olive Garden is not "authentic" Italian food. It's Italian-American, which to me is a valid genre of food (along with Tex-Mex.) I don't even care that Olive Garden is not the best Italian American chain restaurant. (For the record, I like Carrabba's better.) Yes, there are restaurants with better soup. Yes, there are restaurants with better bread sticks. Yes, there are restaurants with better salad and entrees, and probably appetizers and dessert.

    Who cares?

    I like Olive Garden for what it is, and I don't need it to be the best to enjoy it. I like going there. I have many wonderful memories of going to Olive Garden with friends and family. (I even like their slogan, "When you're here, you're family.) I went to Olive Garden with Bear and Achmed the night McGwire hit his 62nd home run. I went there the day I had to fly home from college. I went there on the last anniversary of my birth, when the whole day had been as shitty as a diaper pail. I have never had bad service at Olive Garden, and I just like it. So back off. (Not that I'm defensive.)

    Anyway, I started with Raspberry Ice Tea. Olive Garden (I'm calling them OG from now on) makes some of the best raspberry tea in the universe. And now they have added a frozen peach slice (what my sister calls Bellini) to the glass making it even more delicious. (And I think you know how I feel about delicious.)

    I drank at least 20 glasses of tea, which is actually bad for me, because I usually try to eat 9 or 10 bowls of soup and this time I got the never-ending pasta bowl.

    However, even though you're supposed to get soup OR salad, our server Brian was really mango and he gave me both. He even went to far as to bring TONS of extra black olives on my second bowl of salad. (They never put enough black olives.)

    Plus, they did something I really like: not bring the main food until we enjoyed our soup/salad/breadsticks/appetizer. I hate it when they just bring it out one by one. I know restaurants are trying to turn tables, but I'm not in that big of a rush, people!

    I have more, but I'm trying to make these journal posts shorter, so I think I will do a part 2 later in the day. The first person to check back and leave a comment on part 2 gets to go with me to OG. The first person to leave a pro OG on this post will get a bread stick in the mail.

    Monday, September 03, 2007

    Things to Think

    Hard word never killed anybody. But why take a chance?

    -Edgar Bergen

    Anyone who works is a fool. I don't work. I merely inflict myself on the public.
    -Robert Morley

    The chief Labor Day memories I have is going on vacation with my family. Each year we would go somewhere....not fancy, but a Holiday Inn was the Ritz to us. Six people in a hotel room can get crowded (maybe someday I will write a Hyperion X about how tough it was when I was 12 and 13.....), but whatever fighting and bickering took place has faded in my mind.

    I remember we got to watch cable TV, if only for one week. Back then that seemed so exotic and exciting. Of course, Labor Day weekend was normally a pretty low point for TV, so that meant marathons of the U.S. Open (where I came to appreciate a deep respect for Ivan Lendl and a deep love for Steffi Graf) and the Jerry Lewis Telethon.

    I remember one telethon, must have been early Monday morning, about the time that Jerry's half in the bag and most of the band is openly hitting on co-eds over by the phones. A comedian was doing his act. I was too young to remember names, but part of me thinks it might have been a very young Kevin Meaney.

    Anyway, whoever he was, the dude was bombing big time. The audience was tired, and no one was laughing. Suddenly the comedian decided "screw it" and started dancing around. In full Showgirls style he started singing "I don't care, I don't care (He doesn't care!)...." along with the full background vocals, all while giving us a poor man's chorus line. Of course the audience loved it, and it has become a running gag in our family. When I think of Labor Day, that's always my favorite memory.


    [I was watching Bill Moyers yesterday and heard this dude read a poem I just had to reprint here. It took me a long time to track down that it was Robert Bly. The copyright belongs to him, but I think if it gets some of you to read his poetry Robert will be understanding....Think on this poem on this Labor Day, or any time you feel particularly stressed about your life.]

    Robert Bly

    Think in ways you've never thought before.
    If the phone rings, think of it as carrying a message

    Larger than anything you've ever heard,
    Vaster than a hundred lines of Yeats.

    Think that someone may bring a bear to your door,

    Maybe wounded and deranged; or think that a moose

    Has risen out of the lake, and he's carrying on his antlers

    A child of your own whom you've never seen.

    When someone knocks on the door,
    Think that he's about

    To give you something large: tell you you're forgiven,

    Or that it's not necessary to work all the time,
    Or that it's been decided that if you lie down no one will die.