Wednesday, November 24, 2010

"I Haz" (an Epic Sick Poem)

I got to the point tonight where I knew I couldn't make it without medicine and such, but I also was at the point where there was every real possibility that I was too sick to make it to wal-greens alive. This didn't frighten me, so off I went. Wal-Greens has a drive-thru for pharmacy, and you'd have thought I asked for a TSA Screening the way they reacted when I very nicely asked if the attendant would go get me some soup. "I'm not your maid" she said.  Maid?  I was just trying to avoid walking around and dying!

Serves her right. When I got in there I was so woozy that I lay down in one of the aisles on the nice cold tile. They said they were going to call the Ambulance or police, so I got up and left.  Bastards.

But I did get the poem I think I mentioned (too tired to scan back up and see if I wrote about it). I cut out the middle verse because it made me laugh so hard that I choked on my own phlegm and anything that funny would surely piss off half the women I know...but what's left is pretty awesome, I sez.


I haz some Kleenex with lotion
To soothe my hurty nose
I haz some soup  to warm me
Down to my achy toes
I haz some medicine to put 
Me into peaceful slember
So Hypey goes to sleep 
Please wake me in December

Saturday, November 20, 2010


I dreamed that we were coming back home late at night and it was pouring rain and my dad stopped several blocks from our house and he pointed to a man on the side of the road whom he called the Levantine - my dad said the Levantine may have been working for a Chinese Triad, but my dad didn't sound sure - and we were just sitting there at this stop sign which was conspicuous and I mentioned this and also there were all these other guys with guns gathering and we saw them go into this house - someone else who owed money or something - i guess - so my dad turned and we went to this other part of town and we were walking down this hedgerow to sneak into this other house - but somehow it was our house - and there was this old woman and she was walking home and we were walking with her and then there was this old man too - and it was really dark and we were all bent over and I then the old man was at his house (they were all really close together) and the woman's house was the next one over and I realized I had walked past our house and I turned back and my dad had the porch light on which I remember thinking didn't make any sense and I looked down at the end of the street up on these connected rooftops and it seemed like there was someone up there taking pictures and we went inside and I mentioned this to my dad but he didn't seem concerned and he locked the door on the bottom and waited for me to lock the top but I couldn't lock the top because it was one of those deadbolts that only locks and unlocks with a key and I didn't have the key and I told him that and this concerned him very much and he came to deadbolt the door and I remember thinking that if we had to leave suddenly I literally couldn't get out that door because I didn't have the key so I went back to my room and got the key and I was going to put it on my ring but I didn't have the ring so I put the key in the little extra pocket you get on your jeans - not sure why that's important but it felt important - and then I heard someone come in the back door which was right by my bedroom and my door was cracked open and I was afraid to open it (I'm never afraid in real life any more but as a child I was afraid constantly and in dreams I still revert to that state when things scared me) I looked at the crack in the door and this guy came in and he was wearing a coat I associate in my head with bad guys (probably it isn't but I knew he was a bad guy although I didn't know if he was with the Chinese Triad or the Levantine - to be honest, I wasn't sure what a Levantine was) - and he went down the hall to the front room where my dad was and I heard him confront my dad and I remember thinking he was there to gang rape my dad which kinda didn't make sense - I was sorta coming slowly out of the dream, at the point where you can just start to think about things but not really - I mean how could one guy gang rape someone, I really wondered this, and also, how would that get them their money but I knew I had to help so I went for my hunting knife but it was in my backpack which I knew I hadn't brought in and I remember thinking I could redo the sequence and it would be there - which also happens when you're starting to wake up and you have the tiniest bit of control even though not really - but I also knew that would be cheating, which I didn't know what cheating was but somehow I knew I couldn't fight the guy with a knife I didn't have and so I grabbed this little pocket knife - also out of the backpack, but somehow that was okay; don't ask me, it's dream logic - and I started to creep down the hall and I remember thinking it was funny that I would be able to creep silently but I was and I got near the front room and heard the guy gesturing with a gun so I knew I had to kill him immediately when I entered the room or my dad would be dead and I was scared which annoyed me but I was also going to do it - I think - but then I woke up right before I could go into the room.

And the thing is - I don't know how to explain this part - but the moment I woke up I knew it had been a dream, but I also "knew" - whatever that means - that the being watched part was a memory - that part of the dream had come from real events - even though I'm fairly sure we haven't been - but i'm not sure. Maybe an hour from now this will all seem silly, but I actually am still half-asleep and going back go sleep but I wanted to write this down so I would remember it later and don't judge the bad writing because I truly am half alseep