It got pretty bad Monday morning. The pain was overwhelming, the shock at what I'd possibly done (ruin hundreds of hours of work), and then there's the normal Hyperion-related shit, which was worse than normal. I'm not saying I was suicidal of anything, but I was at a low enough point that I was joking about it. (Gallows Humor has always been a big strength to me in times of trouble.)
Throughout the day I told several people, "I'd kill myself, but it would only solve half my problems."
The reaction to this varied quite a bit. I found that people I've told who, at the very least have been supremely low in their life (not saying suicidal, but just despondant and ready to give up), they laughed like hyenas. On the other hand, my girlfriend was decidedly annoyed with the jest, which I attribute partly to worry for me, and partly because she has such a positive outlook on life. (And before you ask, yes it is a strain on the relationship. Well, that and the fact that she seems unwilling to stab people. But I'm taking the perspective that she's a fixer-upper, at least as far as spontaneous violence and doom-and-gloom defeatism goes, and if you're reading Kaida, I'm not talking about you, but, uh, about my other girlfriend.
Actually, now that I think about it, that's not likely to help matters, so just ignore the last few sentences….actually, just ignore the entire post.
2 comments:
I joke about that kind of thing all the time. My phrase is generally "Great. Now I this close to putting my head in the oven." Once my mom said "Really? Where are you standing?" Which tells you alot about my family.
Although a shrink did once tell me to be careful, because some people have no sense of humor about these things whatsoever, and may take you seriously, and trust me, you DO NOT WANT THAT.
Take out those getting to you, not yourself. Taking out you is a waste...taking out them is Darwinism :-)
And remember - when life hand you lemons - squeeze the juice in they eyes of your enemies!
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