Friday, October 29, 2010

Curb Appeal

For a variety of reasons I was/am not feeling well, but the Trash was supposed to go out this morning, and sometimes they come early, so I (heroically; there will be a parade in my honor at 1800 hours) managed to scoop up the bag from the kitchen, add the front room, and stumble out the door.

I had just come from bed, so I was wearing was my boxers, and all I grabbed was my cane. Not even shoes. (I know, I know: with a cane I should have had a top-hat.) Normally I don't go outside so un-clad, but it's O'Dark Thirty outside, so I figured a few seconds couldn't hurt.

I managed to get to the curb, leaning heavily on the cane, not even really thinking about what I wasn't wearing (more just trying not to collapse), and this woman comes jogging by, dressed for an attempt to reach the summit of K2.  Seriously: Southerners tend to fall to pieces at the first sign of wind, and it was maybe in the high 50s - certainly no need for parkas, but whatever.

She sees me, and is kind of taken aback. I nod companionably and she says, "How cold's it have to be for you to put on pants?"

I look at her and say, "I must be losing my touch.  Most women try to get my pants off, and you're trying to put them back on."

She turns about 800 shades of red (at least I think it was red; it was dark) and jogs away, and I shambled back into the house, thinking it better be one awesome parade, or else.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Me Word Good

Word I just made up - fellationship. You know you'll use it. (And when you do, think of me.)

Friday, October 01, 2010

UltraViolent Catastrophe is 3 - 0 - can Apocalypse be far behind?

I said last week I'd never been 2 - 0 before, so 3 - 0 is also a precedent.  Even the year I was a friggin Juggernaut I lost my second game on a fluke.  The first two weeks I got a tad lucky to win, this time I earned it, with 137 points, the highest score in the League for the week.  I trounced Bobby Bowden's Bastion of Bastardry but somethin' fierce.

Again, if I would have played Michael Vick I would have scored more than Tom Brady. I just can't seen benching Brady this week, but I may pull the trigger. (In week 5 I have no choice, as Brady is on bye.)

There are four Teams in my Division, and the way it works is we play each team in our division, then everyone else, then each team in our Division again.  Here's the Standings so far:

As you can see, there are only two undeafeated teams, Koz's and myself.  he texted me about it Tuesday.  Here is a portion, verbatim:

Me: We don't play each other until Week 11, so not much chance we'll be undefeated, but maybe we'll be the league's best

Koz: Hopefully. Although my team has been on a steady decline while your team has been on the rise.

Me: yeah, but i'm going into the Valley of the Shadow of ByeWeeks, so I'll come back down to Earth

Koz: Fear no evil for Vick art with thee

Cracks me up every time I read it.

This week I play the Gauchos, who are the worst team so far, but usually get up for me. I won't have Adrian Peterson (and a few others, on bye), so we'll see....


So glad September is over.  This one was as brutal as any, but October has only been here a few hours and already several things going right.

More news soon