So, last week, I wrote about my Birthday Goals, which my mom asks people for every time they have a birthday. One of these goals was to keep in closer contact with people. It always amazes me how long I can go between talking to people. Some of this is laziness, some of it is my particular emotional state (sometimes I don't want to talk to people), and some of it is just the way my brain works. I might think, "I just talked to X..." The reality is I might not have talked to X since June.
(I do this with everything. I'll say, "The other day,....." and totally mean the other day, even though the day I'm talking about is in 2006. This is how my brain works. And don't even get me started on what "down the street" means to me.)
Anyway, one thing you surely have noticed is that I have some of the greatest ideas in the history of the world. However, my brain is not "anchored" to the current reality we choose to accept, and it is quite common for me to completely forget things that I care deeply about.
I totally need a secretary or an assistant, or at least an intern. I am completely convinced that if I had a scheduler who told me what I needed to do right that minute, I could accomplish anything.
However, since I don't have one at the moment, I need to improvise.
As far as the Keeping in Contact thing goes, I realized that, as hokey as it sounds, it wasn't going to happen unless it was written down.
I went through my entire Address Book, and put each name into a category, based on how often I thought I should (or should want to) talk/email that person. Here are the categories:
PERSONAL EMAIL OR PHONE CALL AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK
PERSONAL EMAIL OR PHONE CALL ONE TO TWO TIMES A MONTH
PERSONAL EMAIL OR PHONE CALL EVERY 1-2 MONTHS
PERSONAL EMAIL OR PHONE CALL EVERY 3-4 MONTHS
RE-ESTABLISH SOME CONTACT AND MOVE UP ON THE LIST
Plus, write everyone not on this list (in my email contacts) at least once this year.
The once a week tier started at 14 people, but I expect that number to initially go up quite a bit, and then go down. I think it will go up because some of the people I contact in the various tiers will write me back and there will be some back-and-forth that almost by default will put them in that category. However, only time will tell if a weekly communication level can be sustained.
The other three categories have around 18-24 people in each. Again, I see the tiers as somewhat fluid, and I assume people will move up or down depending on if they write back and if they are interesting.
Then there are people that I am ashamed I don't talk to. How can I have fallen out of regular conversation with them? I plan to contact them by any means necessary and at least try to get them on the list.
That leaves everyone else. Some I barely know. Many I don't even know their names; I just have an email. (They used to get my column, and now get the email notification.) These people should get at least 1 email from me this year.
The idea is to pull up this document each time I use the computer, and have it sitting open. This makes me more likely to use it, and when, in the course of email and whatever, I happen to talk to someone, I write down the date next to their name. This way I have a record of how often I'm talking to people.
It sounds like I'm taking all the life out of communication, but it really seems to be the only way I will remember. For example, my friend Bear is on the weekly list. Bear is one of my two closest friends, and because of that, I always assume I talk to him every couple of days. However, sometimes it's several months!
(I am not making this up. I have a real block about this kind of thing. I simply cannot hold that kind of information in my head. I can remember millions of things other people can't, but I can't do the "normal" things.)
I'm hoping the list--right there in black and white--will compel me to keep up with my goal of communication. The likelihood is that by February I won't be noting the dates I write or talk to people, and by March I will have abandoned it altogether. But I'm trying!
One of my problems is that when someone writes me an interesting letter, I don't want to just write back something quick. I want to take my time and write back something meaningful, something thoughtful. However, once it slips away from immediacy I forget and then it's been 10 days and I'm embarrassed which makes it even harder to write...and it becomes a big thing. The list is to help me avoid that. I hope.
(A solution to this is to block out fifteen minutes a night solely for communication. That's not much, and it would keep the task from getting too big, which often makes things un-faceable. If I can just get in the habit of fifteen minutes of correspondence a night, I could keep on top of it easily. Of course, i would have to sacrifice those 8,000 word letters I am sometimes famous for, but you have to make sacrifices somewhere.)
One other snag is that Kaida has complained several times that she should be in her own tier. If I understand her, her tier would be not just daily conversations, but continual conversation. Then, when I'm not talking to her, I'm either thinking about the last time I talked to her, or I'm anticipating the next time I talk to her, or else I'm penning an epic sonnet in her honor.
(I probably shouldn't have written that last paragraph. Besides further angering her, Bear will probably want to be in that tier now, too.)
Not very many people bother to read my blog, so if you have come here, the odds are that you're in a high tier, or you should be. Write me an email and you're certain to get one back. And you can ask me about what tier you're in, and then hold me to it.
That's really the whole point of writing all this down and posting it. If people know about it, maybe I'll be more accountable.
No comments:
Post a Comment