Happy Birthday

soon to be dying - will miss you

i am very sick

i think i may be dying

it took me ten minuts to logon because i couldnt figure out how to take off the allcaps button

whats worse than dying i may be sick on my bithday tomorow

i have the computer near me so that if i am dying i can leave my will and old testament

or something

more later after i die

Gifts for Hyperion

To go along with today's Advent, I have a number of gifts that you, grateful readers, can get me, magnanimous and fearless leader.

Several years ago I was totally against gifts. I felt it was too material, and did not reflect any of the values and ethos of the season that I wished to contemplate.

However, I was convinced of the error of my ways. As it was s'plained to me, not receiving gifts denies the Giver the opportunity to give, which is the whole purpose. People like to give; it warms their soul.

Who am I to keep people from bettering themselves?

So, like I said, I have come around completely here. I now accept gifts not only for Christmas, but for Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Festivus, Winter Solstice, Yule, Dinosaur Present Day (featuring T-Rex), and any other holiday you may celebrate.

[AND LET'S NOT FORGET: HYPERION WAS BORN ON DECEMBER 31st, HINT HIT, AND NO, HE DOES NOT ACCEPT 2 FOR 1 GIFTS TO COVER BOTH DAYS. GOT SCREWED ENOUGH ON THAT GROWING UP.]

With all that in mind, I have compiled a list of gifts that would be nice, should you choose to better yourselves.

PEN

What I think I need most is a pen that will write upside-down. I am spending more and more time on my back, and unable to write on a computer. I can write on a pad of paper, but have to write "up" and you know how normal pens work. Well, Fisher Space Pens, the greatest pen company on earth, developed the space pen ink cartridge, which is pressure-filled, and able to write on virtually any surface (including air), and upside-down.


A few years ago I had a gorgeous red Sensa Pen, with the fisher ink cartridge. What makes the Sensa so great is that it has a gel wrap around the edge for finger comfort. It's hard for me to find a pen sturdy enough for my humongous fingers to use. The Sensa pen was the nicest I ever had.

I found it at Sensa Online, and a little cheaper at Amazon. (It's on my Amazon Wishlist, if you're interested.) Any color would be great. I don't have to have this pen, but my fingers can't use small pens, and I have to be able to write upside-down.

SHAVER

I like to either have extra long hair, like a Viking, or else shaved completely. Right now I'm in a shaved phase, and when I do shave, it's rather tough. Regular clippers don't work too well, and to use an electric shaver means you have to do it every day, which is tough too.


Then my brother told me about this great Vidal Sassoon Palm Shaver. They're clippers that fit in your palm and are contoured to shave your head! And they're cheap! How cool is that? (Pretty damn cool.)

BACKPACKS

I definitely need a new backpack, and even though I don't have a laptop, I plan on getting one soon, so a laptop sleeve is essential. (I do have an awesome laptop bag already, but I'm thinking in case I have to go on the lam or something.)

My favorite store on Earth, Zappos, has several models that seem pretty sweet.




Nike Core Large Backpack





Nike Edge Elite Air Medium Backpack


I found a pretty sweet one on Amazon too, called the



Swiss Gear Computer Backpack


All of the above, even the ones from Zappos, are on my Amazon Wish List. My brother has had a North Face backpack for several years, but when I priced them they were all so expensive, so I didn't put any of those up. Basically, though, I need a large backpack, for a (maybe someday) laptop, and for my many books, papers, gods and stuffed animals I carry around.

HATS

I got a really sweet Indiana Jones hat a few months ago, but I also need an baseball cap for all-around wear. I have such a large head that the adjustable caps don't really fit me; I need fitted. (I wear size 8, which is very hard to find in stores. Luckily, they are online!)



I found some sweet lidded hats on Lids.com. They're all black and have mysterious Logos. This one above is for Hawaii, but really seems like it's for Hyperion. Others I love:





Rocket Power, baby! (for the Toledo Rockets)



Growly Cat Roaaaaarrrrrrrrrr! (Kansas State Wild Cats)

I was tempted to put up the Wichita St. Shockers, but didn't out of respect for you.



Of course, Logos aren't the most important things on earth. Here is a black logo-less cap (like Legolas, except the hat can act), for only $15. It's adjustable, but specifically made for big heads like mine.



(All of these are also up on my Amazon Wish List.)

DVD/BOOKS

I'm not pushing DVDs and Books as hard this year, since I am so blessed to have some great ones already, and the library provides so many of my reading/viewing wants and needs.

But, you know me. Of COURSE I have a list of things I'd like. Rather than enumerate them, though, I have simply put the items on the Wish List. Since I have great taste, feel free to use that list as a guide for purchasing books and movies for others!

GIFT CERTIFICATES

Gift Cards are always yummy! Just about any place is grand, but my most wished for would be....

Zappos: the best store on Earth
Best Buy - So many things to want
King Size Direct = For we "greatly statured" fellows
Amazon - duh

Also, gift Subscriptions, even for a little while, for Netflix or Blockbuster online would be sweet as well.

FOOD

I love food, but really shouldn't ask for it. However, if your world was going to end if you DIDN'T get me some food,

I love almonds and pistachios in almost all forms. I love trail mixes, either all fruit, all carbs (and I don't mind "Asian" hot), but not the nuts/raisin combos. Chocodiles (Chocolate Twinkies) are worth killing for, but so damn expensive! Boar's Head Turkey and Roast Beef is to die for, but I don't know how you'd ship it. Chick-Fil-A gift cards would ship, however. (As would Sonic, Olive Garden, Outback, Longhorn's, Carrabba's, and Subway.

Then there's Beef Jerky......



The important thing about this list is not that I want presents and I'm all greedy. No, the important thing is that you feel beholden to me, since I provide you with so many hours of entertainment, and am soon to be your leader.

Just kidding. (sort of) The important thing is that I no longer wish to stand in the way of people who want to give. Use this as a guide for people in your own life. (Several great gift ideas on Monkey Barn, too.)

And if you are going to send to me, make sure you get my address right! (Amazon's Wish List is cool, in that they already have my address, so it's a done deal.)


Hyperion Archon
540 Front Ave.
Columbus Georgia
31901





Send me YOUR Wish Lists, and I'll get YOU something!


Hyperion

Fantasy Football - Oh the humanity

It's just the way my year has gone.


I got home last night, which is a rare thing since injury has left me virtually housebound at all times. I flipped on the TV, and check the internet to see I was up about 16 points with less than a quarter to go.

You will recall that I wrote yesterday that all I needed was DeAngelo Williams to NOT score more than 24.3 points, and I was in the playoffs.

In our league you get 6 points for a Touch Down, but only 1 point every 15 yards running/receiving. (Most leagues are 1 point every 10.)


It looked pretty good for me.

Then Carolina scores. Specifcally, Williams scores. That made it closer than I would like, but I was still up over eight points, and not that worried.

Carolina scored again, but not Williams, and I figured I was looking better.

With two minutes left, I was up 8.4 points. This means that DeAngelo Williams would have to score a Touchdown and get at least 36 yards for me to lose. Tampa Bay was trying desperately to stop Carolina, who was playing conservatively.

I was on the phone with a friend, and I said, "The only thing I have to worry about is if DeAngelo breaks one open, and goes for a Touchdown.

Not one minute later, DeAngelo Williams broke free and scored a Touchdown. The run was 37 yards.

With less than two minutes left, my season went up in smoke. I went from division winner and making the playoffs--after everything bad that happened to my team this season, not to mention my light-damned year--after all that I was on schedule to make the playoffs until that last play.

I give up.

Fantasy Football Update - Playoff Chances

I haven't been updating my Fantasy Football team's fortunes like I did in previous years.

Partly this was due to my feeling that my season basically ended 8 minutes into the first game, when Tom Brady went down for the year.

I lost the first two games by a combined 90.8 points, which has to be some sort of record. I resigned myself to a terrible season.

Then, somehow, most improbably, I managed to win the next five games. You'd think I would be flying high, but I was more embarrassed than anything. A couple of the wins were well earned, but several of them were just plain lucky. Either there was some fluke play, or my opponent happened to sit the wrong person, or I happened to play the lowest scoring team that week. Against any other team I would have lost, but luck....

Last year I was so damn good in the regular season. I didn't just set, but I smashed the regular Season scoring record, as well as the point differential record between my team and second place.

When the playoffs went so badly, it tainted the great season, but still, I did have that. My victories were awe-inspiring, and 5 times in a row (and 7 times overall), I was the league's highest scorer.

This year? I haven't been the high scorer once.

Anyway, my gaudy 5-2 record didn't last, and I lost a couple of games "unluckily". Still, I managed to get to 7 - 4, in great shape to win my division and make the playoffs.

Then, I lost two straight games. However, the other teams in my league were losing too. It's like nobody wanted to win the division.

The bottom line is, I stand at 7-6. My two closest division competitors each 6-7, and playing each other this week. One of them is going to win, making them 7-7. I lose all manor of tie-breakers.

Which means, simply, I have to win. Win, and I win the division. Lose, and I get nothing.

Somehow, my little rag-tag misfits have a shot. Savage Tribe of Ice Whores actually have a shot!

Here's the Sitch:

All my players finished yesterday. Getting a little bit here and there from most of my players, I put up 94 points. My opponent (The Meme-ster's Union) has 69.8, meaning he needs 24.3 to beat me.

Meme-ster has one player left tonight: DeAngelo Williams, a Running Back. 24.3 points is a lot to score, but Williams has scored more than that twice this season, including last week, when he had 29.6

Williams has his high-scoring games at home, which he is this week.

So, it's all set up for me to lose once again. Still, I have a shot.

If any of you pray to small "g" gods, and want to say a prayer that DeAngelo Williams has a fumble or two, that'd be great.

Actually, a pretty good shot.