Thursday, April 03, 2008

The WHOA Theorem


I was talking to Bear last night about how his week is going (preparing for the wedding). The Bear-ette has six sisters, but so far no real drama. I don't know her family at all, but based on my knowledge of women and weddings, I personally will be shocked if by week's end the seven of them haven't formed two rival gangs and shot up Seattle. This isn't any disrespect to the Bearette Clan, but simple Wedding Reality.

One thing about weddings that no one wants to admit is that women make weddings crazy. You see, the women who were married once want a re-do, and the women who aren't married get even crazier, because it's so close. In fact, years ago a friend told me there is a mathematical formula to understand women and weddings. It's called the WHOA THEOREM:





where


W = the number of women directly involved in either planning or being in the wedding


H = the % of those women who are unmarried or unhappily married, and thus likely to exhibit "ho-ish" behavior

O = the "OH MY GOD" ugliness factor of the bridesmaid dresses

A = the number of pounds the bride needs to lose to get her Ass in the wedding dress.

The math on this can be tough, but the bottom line: women are to weddings as dictators are to labor camps, the only difference being people in labor camps don't have to go the reception.


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