The other day I'm in line at Blockbuster, when this really old women comes to stand behind me. The clerk is taking forever so we're making conversation. "What movie do you have?" I say.
"Oh, it's The Aristocats," she replies. "I don't watch very many movies, but I remember seeing this back at a drive-in in 1981 and just loving it. When I saw they had a Special Edition out I thought I would get it for my Granddaughter."
I glanced down at the DVD in her hand, and noticed it was not THE ARISTOCATS, but rather, THE ARISTOCRATS.
"Um, ma'am, you have the wrong movie." I helpfully explained. I walked over to the display and pulled out the right one, bringing it back to her. "This is the one you want." She looked at both disks and then at me, dubiously, as if I might be one of those no-goodnik kids who was trying to scam her.
"But this one is $30," she said, pointing to the overpriced Disney special edition in my hand, "and this one is only $9.99." She held up THE ARISTOCRATS, which was, as she claimed, only ten bucks.
For a few moments I contemplated giving in; allowing the woman to purchase the admittedly far cheaper THE ARISTOCRATS and take it home and give it to her granddaughter. The voices in my head laughed a little manically as I envisioned the little girl needing years of therapy while the grandmother was forced to commit ritualized seppuku with four tubes of Polident.
However, my less-dark angels intervened, and I patiently explained to the woman that, yes, the one disk was twenty dollars cheaper, but this did not turn out to be the savvy shopping coup she was hoping for, as, it turned out, THE ARISTOCRATS and THE ARISTOCATS are in fact two completely different movies.
You could almost see the women's forehead bulge as she tried to take in the information, offended than anyone would name two totally different movies almost the same thing. Finally, she asked lamely--and I could not make this up--"Is there any chance my granddaughter would like this movie?"
I gently but firmly took the world's filthiest 90 minutes from her hands and said, "You're going to have to trust me here, ma'am. Render unto Disney what is Disney's, and call it a day."
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